its been one year since ive been here. wow. alot has changed. im just going through my old posts and cringing. so much has changed its crazy. ive grown out of the feeling i had for this boy i used to write about. god those posts are so embarrassing now.



i just want to be free

i want to be able to run and scream

but i’m a she

and a she cannot be free

we don’t have much rights in this society

we’re not appreciated

we’re killed, humiliated

and rarely defended

but we shall rise

and we shall rule

and i shall become a legend all women will look up to

because since the day i was born

i have been kept silent

i never had a voice

always so nice

always so quiet

but i have been planning

planning an escape


…. counting the days


im so depressed 

i dont want to go back to that dark hole 

where i scream 

its not heard 

i cant even hear my own screams in that hole

its luring me in 

life itself is trying to push into there 

but no ill hold on

i cant give up not today

not tomorrow

i know i have nothing to live for 

 but i will live

because i know that i will be a legend some day

i dont want to go back to where i was 

that was a dark year for me

but im getting sucked in 

life is getting sucked out of me 

what should i do 

i am dying 

throwing up everyday 

its been three days without proper food

what is happening to me 

i dont know what it is 

but it has it hands on me 

its a dark monster

im dying 

dont save me 

i dont need it 

ill die i know it 

but before all of that let me live 



“If you wanna r…

“If you wanna run, go ahead. But, where are you going?”

Saif one of my best friends asked me that and i thought about it if im going to run then where will i go. He said he’ll help me through this journey and he did and i’m very thank full for his existence friends like Saif don’t exist these days.


alone i feel 

im always alone

and when im surrounded with people i feel alone 

sometimes even more alone then when i am alone

starting to get these suicidal thoughts

i feel empty

all the running

all the missing

im tired of everything  

i want to run away forever

hide in a hole

hoping no one will know 

where im hiding cause i just want to go

i want to have friends that never leave me alone

i want to jump of a plane 

feel free

but were we born free to ever be

so many emotions just building inside me

i dont understand 

i dont understand many things

still so young 

not even close to wise

still so much to experience in life 

still so much to come

so much to cry over 

so much to lose 

i want to breath 

because honestly i cant right now

ugh from everything 

i just want throw everthing away and run

never come back

most of my friends betrayed me

they left me broken shattered with no one to turn to 

i have nothing 

i want nothing 

why cant i have the guts to leave 

because i dont want you to ask me why 

i dont know how to explain it 

i cant put my emotions into word 

i cant express them 

its just too hard

well it is for me 

“life man”

thats all i can say




i wonder what life has in store for me

is it death

is it love

is it sadness

is it happiness

what is it that life has in store for me

i think im happier not knowing

since life is unpredictable

if i knew i probably would kill myself

ill get through it

all of it

i wont let it break me

i wont let it shatter me

i deserve happiness